You will find out Jack and Rose's true fate in the forthcoming sequel: 'Titanic II: Jack's Back!'. It begins in the darkness of the depths of the North Atlantic were we come upon the mangled, half-eaten body of Jack Dawson. We come in on his closed eyes when all of a sudden.........his eyes open. That's right, Jack's back, and he's pissed!!

He walks the floor of the Atlantic (he's somehow able to see even though a fish has apparently chewed his right eye out) until he reaches New York City. He emerges in the present day as a frozen zombie warrior of vengeance! He systematically searches out all the survivors of the sinking and all the descendants of anyone who ever worked for the White Star Line and submits them to a slow painful death like he had to suffer. And if he gets really angry with someone, he submits them to the most agonizingly slow and painful death that anyone can possibly imagine. He forces them to watch all of Kevin Costner's 'The Postman'. (I cringe just thinking about it!)

And once he gets through those pour souls, he goes after Rose. And when he finds her, it's payback time! She is happy to see him, but he's not terribly excited to see her. "I thought you were dead! I watched you die!" She says in a voice that sounds good enough to be a voice over in a car commercial. "Didn't check very hard, did you? Ever heard of checking for a pulse?" he replies in a voice that sounds like, well it sounds like a voice that froze to death and has been lying at the bottom of the North Atlantic for 86 years. She doesn't know what to say. He says: "You used to know Jack Dawson. Well, you're about to meet Jack Frost, bitch!!" He touches her face with an icy, half eaten finger and her wrinkly, leathery face begins to freeze.

Soon, her whole body is frozen stiff. He then pulls the Heart of the Ocean out of his pocket and places it around her neck. The sheer weight of the big piece of glass forces her frozen body to shatter into a million pieces. After seeing his final vengeance come to fruition, his brooding face finally begins to crack a smile (even though most of his lower lip was apparently picked away by a crab). And I mean that literally. His face begins to crack until he too shatters into a million pieces. The pieces of their shattered bodies are strewn together on the floor and there is total silence. Until James Cameron walks up and picks up a few of the pieces of body ice and drops them into his rum & coke. He takes a sip of his freshly cool beverage and takes a bite of his finely cut sandwich, and pauses. He finally breaks the silence. He simply says: "Aaaahhhh...."

And this is when Jack and Rose finally die. I know this to be true because what you just read was a treatment of a script that I have written and James Cameron is directing. Its approximately 4 and a half hours long and the budget is set at $250 million. After all, sequels are always bigger and better than the original.

See you at the premier!